The Ones Domestic Violence Left Behind
🌿With care in mind: This piece explores tender themes that may bring up strong feelings. You are not alone—take it in gently, with compassion for yourself, and pause if you need🌿
“You can say you’re sorry and it had nothing to do with me but it’s not like you took my bike away. This is my mother—that I have no memories of. I was robbed, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.”
Ashley Bell lost her mother to domestic violence when she was just two years old.
Upon receiving a letter from her father, who was the abuser, Bell was forced to contemplate his apology.
“You can't turn back the hands of time. So, you can be sorry and I can choose not to walk around with this anymore, which most days, I feel very happy, very free. But when I think about what I missed out on, no words can really change that,” Bell said.
Ashley’s parents were nine years apart and married when her dad became resentful of how her mom had grown up compared to him. Despite his having two parents who were together, their relationship wasn’t a good one.
When Ashley’s grandparents gave them a down payment for a house, he became angry that his own parents couldn’t do that, nor were they willing to.
While we don’t know for sure, it’s possible this conflict of homeownership and money sparked the beginning of Angela Thompson Bell’s abuse.
“From what I was told, my dad was very controlling and abusive towards my mother. Sometimes he would kick us out of the house or lock us in the basement,” Bell said. “There was an incident my family told me about where we were in some department store and he stabbed my mom with a screwdriver.”
Ashley’s dad’s anger didn’t stop at physical violence—he was also manipulative and stalkerish, often accusing Angela of cheating on him.
Angela’s mother, Doris Thompson, and the rest of her family learned of the abuse from their pastor’s daughter, who told them something was going on between the couple.
“We started monitoring them but it was too late because he hid everything and she wouldn’t talk about it because she was embarrassed,” Thompson said. “We were emotionally sick because we didn't see that in our household—we were not abusing our children and we were not abusing each other. We lived in a quietly gathered, community environment.”
Doris did get the police involved to frequently screen Angela’s neighborhood and try to catch the abuse happening, but her abuser found a way to dodge all of the investigation.
Angela found the strength to leave her husband and leading up to her death, she moved back in with her parents.
One night, she was around town with a friend and he found her—emptying a gun on both of them. Both women, both mothers, were killed instantly.
Angela was 24.
When Doris heard the news, she had so many thoughts going through her mind.
“I got to the point where I was just so distraught and wasn’t able to talk to anybody because I wanted to remain calm,” Thompson said. “Even though it was so hard, we didn’t really get hysterical but we were angry and just heartbroken.”
Ashley’s dad immediately fled, but ended up turning himself in. He didn’t want a trial and was sentenced to prison in 1989 where he remains today. Neither Angela’s or her friend’s family opted for the death penalty.
“The road is very hard, so I know that I have to do better with my heart. I can’t hate people,” Thompson said. “I have to love people. I have to understand people. But it’s not easy, and when it comes down to the day that Angela died, I start crying.”
Doris tries not to harp on regrets or forgiveness, but rather remember the beautiful parts of her daughter.
“Angela was such a nice lady. She accepted the Lord as her Savior, she was in church choir and all those kinds of things,” Thompson said.
As for Ashley, she just wishes her mom would have had a place to escape so that they could have had a different life.
“I really get emotional when I think about her life leading up to her death, it just seemed like a horrible time period for her, and being from a small town, I don't even know if there was a place for her to go,” Bell said.
It’s become a passion of Ashley’s to help people find resources for domestic violence. And in talking with her pastor, she has found perspective on her mother’s death.
“He said something to me I’ll never forget. What if your mom’s purpose was just to get you here? It doesn’t give me any solace but it does help me understand that my mother’s purpose didn't go beyond me—me being born, us being together for two years,” Bell said.
If she could, Ashley would simply hug her mother.
“I don't have anything to say. I just would want her to say whatever she wants to me so that I can hear her voice and know what it sounded like,” Bell said.
If you or someone you know is battling domestic violence in Erie County, you are not alone. SafeNet, Mercy Center for Women, Safe Journey, and the Crime Victim Center are here to help. For national help, the Domestic Violence Hotline is always available.
