How to Handle Political Conversations at the Dinner Table
Having worked in politics for a few years, it’s become very normal for friends, family, and strangers to come to me with questions they have about the political moment.
I’ve had friends from high school who I hadn’t spoken to in years ask me who to vote for in elections, family assume I can speak on behalf of the entire Democratic Party, and strangers call me names on the internet after seeing my former jobs listed on my Facebook profile.
Needless to say, I’ve learned a few lessons along the way on how to balance my political opinions, others’ political opinions, and, sometimes, the seemingly ginormous island between us.
The holidays being a time of community and gathering brings a lot of people a lot of stress. And, most Americans know why.
Assassinations, deportations, and record-high grocery prices put people on edge with Americans reporting that they are feeling more anxiety about politics than ever before.
But, at the end of the day, the only way out is through.
Your town, your neighbor, and your family are your village. To isolate, to refuse to convene, and to fight tooth and nail against finding common ground only prolongs the pain.
So, as we enter this holiday season, here’s some tips and tricks for navigating the moment.
But first, a quick note.
I don’t believe in martyrdom for the sake of martyrdom.
You deserve to live a long and happy life.
There’s no obligation for you to save the world or even steer the conversation.
If your identity puts you at risk, it’s okay to keep quiet.
Difference is Good
The hoards of social media advocates may have led you to believe that everyone needs to think the same thing in order for progress to be made.
I’m here to tell you that they are wrong.
We are better because of our differences. The solutions that arise when we wrestle with different perspectives are far better than the solutions we come up with alone.
Let’s consider a non-political example.
The classic escape room.
I don’t know about you, but if I’m confined to a small space with only riddles to get me out, I want everyone on my team. The philosophers, the creatives, the engineers, and the sneaky bastards.
Politics is no different—though, the stakes are certainly higher.
A few years ago, I was “canceled” by a progressive Instagram account I tracked with hundreds of thousands of followers. It was after a White House event where someone took my picture, posted it, and captioned it something along the lines of “supports genocide.”
This was only a few weeks after the October 7th attack in Israel and tens of thousands of Palestinians were already murdered, tortured, and abused by the Israeli government.
And, here’s where the fallacy of “sameness” hurts the political left.
It wasn’t the comment section that bothered me the most (though, being called an ugly bitch by a stranger is a weird feeling), it was their push for me to quit which would have left only people who agreed with the Biden Administration’s policy choices in the room.
Little did they know I had access to a Cabinet member and spoke with him daily on the topic. And, little did they know I had been advocating for Palestinian liberation for years already.
Difference is good, friends.
The right, the left, the middle. We all push each other to think differently, more creatively, and, together, dream up a better world.
This holiday season I encourage you to remind yourself of that before you assign values and judgments.
Catch More Flies With Honey
I love to win an argument. Just ask my family.
At the end of the day, we form opinions because we believe we’re right. And politics is no different.
More often than not, political debates (more likely arguments these days) are designed to convince the other person that you are right and they are wrong.
And, if that’s your goal, which I’m not saying it should be, you’re going to have more luck speaking kindly than raising your voice and casting judgement.
Like my Grandma always said, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. And, slugs prefer beer. Appalachian life lessons.
We all have our part to play in lowering the temperature and easing the tensions. The smallest thing we all can do is enter conversations with kindness, and welcome folks to the table rather than break their chair as they’re entering the room.
I’ve personally had huge success with people on the polar opposite end of the political spectrum agreeing with me after this approach.
You Aren’t Infallible
It’s not an easy thing to acknowledge when you’re wrong.
In America, our culture of independence can result in this constant desire to be right and the Machiavellian need to prove it.
I’m sorry to burst any bubbles, but it’s simply impossible to be right all the time.
In politics, admitting a mistake or changing your mind has been warped by low-brow journalism to be something other than a strength.
But, it is a strength.
As you sit around the Thanksgiving table breaking bread and cracking open wine bottles, I encourage you to lead with humility.
And remember, it’s always okay to change your mind.
Facts, Not Anecdotes
This is your friendly reminder that Facebook isn’t a reliable news source, anecdotes aren’t facts, and life experiences are important, but not necessarily the full story.
My advice is avoiding any hard topic unless everyone in the conversation is ready to bring real information to the table.
It’s a hard boundary to set. It’s a really hard boundary to set without coming across as an elitist.
But, nonetheless it’s critical. Without that boundary, conversation quickly becomes argument and progress quickly becomes stagnation, or worse, regression.
And, it goes both ways.
I am not an expert in a lot of things—ost things actually. So, I’ve gotten quite comfortable saying, “I don’t know enough about that” rather than diving headfirst into an ocean without a life jacket.
You should too.
Stay on Topic
If you’re a Democrat, chances are you’ve been tempted to interrupt a political debate about a policy area (healthcare, immigration, etc.) with a Republican by bringing up President Trump’s colorful history.
Well, I’m here to tell you to resist temptation—for a variety of reasons.
These issues pre-date Trump and, chances are, will exist long after he does. We owe it to ourselves to have these important conversations outside of his shadow.
And, more importantly, that’s just a shit way of arguing.
It makes you look ill-prepared on the topic at hand and always escalates the tensions. Both things most people want to avoid.
Pick a topic and stay on topic. Another boundary to practice, friends.
At the end of the day, all of us are in the same boat on this one planet we call home.
We can either talk to people we disagree with using kindness and deescalation tools, or we can deepen the divide.
I hope that we can all consciously choose to use these next few weeks of holiday spirit and community gathering to build bridges and spread love.
The only way out is through. And the only way through is together.
