How I'm Exploring My Relationship with Anger (& How You Can Too)

I am livid right now and it’s f*cking important.

There is jack shit that does not freak me out right now and I need to own it. 

Devastation is coursing through my body.

I validate my shit-induced brokenness before putting myself back together.

My shit is a part of me, not all of me. 

These are just some of the many affirmations dispersed throughout my latest favorite guided journal, Tough Sh!t: The angry woman’s guide to embodying change by Arianne MacBean, LMFT (Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist).

Divided into five sections—anger, fear, sadness, hurt, and true self—MacBean encourages women to release some of the toughest emotions, while providing somatic (body-based) exercises to move through them.

Imagine being so angry that putting pen to paper seems like the only safe way to let it out. Maybe your boss threw you a huge curveball or your crush is consistently breadcrumbing you (both of which I’ve experienced lately).

You write it all down on a white page that says, “My anger is here because it needs to be seen, heard, and felt.” Then, you’re given a somatic exercise to let it go physically. 

Sitting, inhale and, while holding your breath, tighten your fists as hard and as long as you can. Hold your breath and squeeze harder! Keep squeezing! In one big exhale, release and open your fists.

How do you feel?

I can tell you how I feel. 

I feel surprisingly calm and grounded. All of that shit I was journaling about suddenly seems a little smaller. My body is whole and I am safe. 

Yes, I still have an exhaustive to-do list at work and I still wonder if good men exist, but at least I’ve been validated. 

That’s the biggest thing Tough Sh!t has given me. Validation. 

As women, we’re often taught that anger, fear, sadness, and hurt are shameful emotions. We shouldn’t feel them, and we definitely shouldn’t talk about them.

But I disagree, and so does MacBean. It’s in those emotions that we come to know our true selves. We learn what makes us tick, and we learn what makes us cry.

By feeling and expressing tough emotions, we better understand our inner child and the way we naturally interact with the world around us. 

And guess what?

It’s all valid. It’s all okay. And there’s absolutely nothing shameful about it. 

It was a few years ago that my therapist asked me one of the hardest questions I’ve ever been asked. What is your relationship with anger?

I’m still finding the answers but in the search for them, I realized that I’ve never really let myself feel anger until very recently. And isn’t that crazy?

I’m 27 years old and have only been honoring this very big, very real emotion for like two years. My anger is only a toddler, and it makes sense that I need a little guidance on how to feel and express it in a healthy way.

That’s why I’m really grateful that Tough Sh!t came into my life when it did. Actually, at the same time when I was learning more about somatic therapies and the ways they help me. 

It’s not a coincidence. It’s something greater. It’s women supporting women. 

Arianne MacBean is undoubtedly a part of my self-reflection journey. She has given me a safe space to explore my emotions, without judgement and without editing. 

My copy of Tough Sh!t is all me, baby. And yours can be all you, too. 

If you’re ready to find yourself, honor tough emotions that come up, and connect your mind to body, get yourself (or a loved one) this self-reflection and somatic journal. I promise you won’t regret it.