5 Ways You Can Support Foster Care Families
I think we all know that foster care is an option for motherhood. While the goal of caring for displaced children is always to reunify them with their birth family safely, fostering is a beautiful way to share the love that’s already in your heart.
The foster parent requirements like being at least 21 years old, financially stable, and cleared of legal charges may seem like basic asks. But along with that, comes a unique set of challenges that not everyone understands.
Because of this, 30-50% of foster families drop out after one year. Oftentimes, it’s not because they don’t have the means or the capacity, it’s because they don’t have the support—support from loved ones, and support from the community.
I recently sat down with Martine Barclay and Melissa Scobey from Family Services of Northwest Pennsylvania to discuss ways that we can support the foster families in our circle.
In talking with them, I realized that while I may not have a calling to be a mother (right now), I do have a calling to be an encouraging friend, relative, and community member. I think a lot of us have that call, and there are real ways we can answer it.
“It’s the people in our community who can really make a difference for a family thriving and making it through this, and coming out better on the other side,” Martine Barclay, Foster Care Recruiter & Trainer, said.
So, what do you say Butterflies? Feel like making a difference today? ♡
Let’s start by tapping into our compassion and understanding.
It’s no secret that children in foster care have had traumatic life experiences. Whether they’re coming from an abusive or neglectful home, they’ve probably seen things we can’t even imagine.
At such an impressionable age, they lack the emotional maturity needed to effectively cope and work through that trauma. It makes sense that they may act out in ways that seem cruel and unusual.
“Behavior is language,” Melissa Scobey, Foster Care Supervisor, said. And it’s our job as adults to try to understand what’s actually being communicated.
We can all take steps toward being more trauma-informed by way of social media or the internet. If someone you know is fostering, listen to what they say and ask questions. Apply the golden rule of just being kind.
“I feel like as a society, sometimes we just instantly judge what’s happening in a home,” Barclay said. “Listen and don’t judge, because you really don’t have to.”
Bring all the “cool aunt” energy.
One of my favorite nicknames is Auntie Bella, and I firmly believe that the world needs more badass aunties! Not every woman will become a mother, and that’s perfectly okay.
“The caregiving that women do is often thought of as only towards children, but we care give for each other really well,” Barclay said. “Given the opportunity, women do really well at supporting each other.”
Call your bestie, bring her a cold brew, and watch the kids while she goes to shower. It really can be that simple, and that helpful.
Be the friend who helps with dishes, finds a babysitter and hosts a wine game night, or offers up the extra lasagna you made.
“The concept of women as nurturers can be a reductive trope, but it can also be a strength that we build on,” Barclay said. “We care about people. People are important, and their feelings are important, and their whole selves are important.”
Next, let’s use our networking skills for good.
The truth is, Butterflies, we get shit done. We’re at the age where our contact list isn’t just the numbers in our phone, it’s also all the followers we have on social media.
“The networking of women is just phenomenal,” Scobey said. “We posted that we needed a baby swing for a foster family on Facebook, and within an hour we probably had six offers.”
Some other ways we can pull our resources are donating back-to-school supplies, writing prayer cards, starting meal trains, or volunteering for donation drives.
“We’ve had people who have come and taken baskets of laundry to wash and fold them for us,” Scobey said. “There are all kinds of things that are outside of the box and don’t involve money.”
Keystone Family Alliance and Foster Erie frequently host events and drives for foster families in our community.
Share the great, unique parts of your culture.
“There are children from all kinds of ethnicities who come into care,” Barclay said. “So, if people have different cultural insights they can provide a child and the family caring for them, that would be amazing.”
Whether it’s offering up your favorite black salon in town or teaching a family how to make tamales, your experience is an invaluable part of supporting foster families.
Connecting immigrant and refugee children to culturally appropriate traditions is important to Barclay and Scobey. Taking a child to an ethnic festival in Erie may seem insignificant, but it goes a long way in fostering a diverse community.
“Sharing recipes and teaching about different celebrations is very helpful,” Scobey said. “You’re sharing part of your own culture and community to a child who’s completely missing that because they’re not able to be with their birth parents at the moment.”
Donate money if you’re able to do so.
Let’s address the elephant in the room. Basic needs are expensive for everyone right now. Even the foster family that received funds for taking in a child.
“Yes, they get reimbursed, but they’re not getting full reimbursement for anything they’re doing,” Scobey said. “A lot of what they’re getting paid doesn’t even cover what they’re typically putting out.”
The truth is, raising a family and ensuring that growing children have what they need costs a lot of money. Whether you’re able to give $25 or $1,000, your donation will go directly towards supporting local families.
If you own or work for a business that prioritizes charitable donations, Family Services of NW PA offers event sponsorships, matching gifts, and more.
While my goal with this piece was not to turn every reader into a foster parent, my goal was to bring awareness to the impactful ways we can make a difference for deserving people in our community—children, parents, and well-rounded families.
It’s important that we have a pulse on community needs, and this is a big one. If supporting children is a cause that’s close to your heart, Family Services of NW PA also does programming for Big Brothers Big Sisters and North Star Mentoring.
“These are really good stepping stones to get into learning about children who come from hard places,” Scobey said. “A lot of kids just need to know that there’s someone in their corner who cares about them.”
If becoming a foster parent is something you want to learn more about, Barclay and Scobey encourage you to reach out to them for a conversation.
Should you move forward with getting the necessary clearances and training, Family Services of NW PA pays for and provides everything that is needed, so there is no charge to become a foster parent.
“Even when your parents are not great, you love your parents. There’s always that need,” Scobey said. “So, we’re not replacing that. We’re just building their village.”
I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if it weren’t the village I had growing up. Let’s work together to create a community that is strong, joyful, and compassionate. It might just be the best thing we ever do.
