From Food Guilt to Body Neutrality: Rethinking Holiday Conversations
The Dessert Dilemma
We all know the feeling—you’ve just finished your Thanksgiving dinner and you’re ready for a nap. You’re already feeling a little uneasy about how much you’ve eaten today, but you don’t want to miss out on dessert either.
You go back and forth with yourself about whether or not dessert is a good idea, or if it would just end up contributing to your uneasiness.
Before you know it, there’s a plate of pie in front of you, and you figure it would be rude to not try at least a little bit, but it’s so good that you end up eating the whole piece. You immediately feel the guilt weighing on you and start thinking of ways to “cut back” tomorrow.
Whether it’s the pressure to maintain your current weight or the expectation of showing up to Thanksgiving dinner looking the same you did last year, diet culture and the holidays have long been entangled.
Nothing says holiday cheer like counting calories in-between sips of champagne. But it doesn’t have to be this way, nor should it be.
Have Your Cake, & Eat It Too
Since I’ve started learning more about body neutrality, the holidays have been less intimidating. Body neutrality has also changed the way I interact with people, and has actually made me more aware of the impact that my words can have on others—especially when it comes to sensitive topics such as food and our bodies.
Body neutrality is multifaceted, but the quick and simple definition asks us to focus on what our bodies do for us, rather than what they look like.
During the holidays, this could look like focusing on your ability to walk around and look at the holiday lights, rather than the calories in your hot chocolate.
Like everything, it’s easier said than done, but speaking from experience, this mindset shift is not only possible, it’s life changing. It frees your mind to focus on being truly present in your joy, rather than spending your time thinking about what your body looks like.
Body Neutrality is Inclusive
An essential part of body neutrality is inclusivity. It’s a practice not only for ourselves, but for others. It gives us all the space to celebrate freely without fear of other people commenting on our bodies, or what we choose to put in them.
These practices are especially important as we head into the holidays—a time that many people associate with anxiety and guilt around food. What follows are some of the things that I keep at the forefront of my mind when I interact with others, as someone who practices body neutrality.
Being mindful of these behaviors also helps me notice when other people aren’t practicing body neutrality. Being able to spot and label these non-body neutral behaviors reinforces my own practice and reminds me of why I believe in body neutrality—I don’t want to miss out on enjoying my life because I’m so worried about what my body looks like.
Their Body Isn’t My Business
I never make comments about anyone else's body. If I notice someone has gained weight, I don’t say anything. If I notice that someone has lost weight, I still don’t say anything. Truthfully, their weight is none of my business, and there are far more interesting things to discuss than what our bodies look like.
Even if something seems like a compliment, you never know what’s going on behind the scenes of that person's life. They could be struggling with an eating disorder, in which case something like, “You’ve lost weight. You look amazing!” could actually be reinforcing harmful behaviors for the other person.
Alternatively, comments like that could suggest that they didn’t look amazing before they lost weight. And if you think they were unattractive just because of their weight, that only reflects on your own bias against larger bodies. Saying anything about anyone's body (to their face or behind their back), is almost never appropriate or helpful.
Similarly, I never make comments about other people’s diet. Unless, of course, something looks really good or you’re asking for a recipe, commenting on other people's food typically isn’t a body neutral practice.
Whether its portion sizes, what they’re eating, or how they’re eating it, these comments usually don’t leave a good taste in people’s mouth (pun intended). Telling people what they should or shouldn’t eat based on your own beliefs about food isn’t appropriate, nor is it a body neutral practice.
Food Is Not a Moral Choice
As someone who practices body neutrality, I don’t categorize food as good or bad. In other words, what we choose to put in our bodies isn’t a reflection of our morality. More often than not, it’s a reflection of our circumstances.
Both internal and external circumstances are a huge part of informing our choices about food, and these circumstances aren’t black and white. Ultimately, we're the product of our life experiences—most of which aren’t perfectly alchemized.
Things happen unexpectedly, and other people sometimes behave in ways that ultimately harm us and force us to pivot. This is why body neutrality is so important. Our bodies aren’t reflections of our faults, they’re vessels for our human experience.
Check-In With Yourself
Food is an incredibly complicated and often personal topic that might result in some uncomfortable interactions this holiday season. If you experience anxiety about food, it’s important to check-in with yourself before heading into environments that might trigger you to feel self-conscious about your body and/or your food choices.
Focus on what you want to take away from the gathering. Whether it’s time with your family or simply the enjoyment of a nice home-cooked meal, chances are there’s something to look forward to.
As difficult as it can be to remain neutral about our bodies, these small practices give us the opportunity to be present and focus on what really matters about Thanksgiving…the mashed potatoes 😉
